This week has been very much like the last few weeks; not stellar, but not really bad either. I’m starting to feel like I’ve settled into this rut and I’m trying to decide if it’s a good rut or a bad one. On the one hand I’m still losing weight every week, but on the other hand I know that I’m capable of doing more. Do I push myself and risk overdoing it and burning out or do I stay the course and not worry about the minor infractions?
I’m still not exercising regularly. On a scale of 1-10 for physical activity (10 being hummingbird on crack and 1 being tree sloth), I was probably about a 2 before I started this transformation. Seven weeks later and I would probably give myself a 3 only because I’m actually spending a little time playing with the kids and doing some yard work on the weekends. In the first few weeks I put forth some effort to work out when I had time, but as the pounds kept coming off without exercising, it became easier to just let it go. I know eventually I will not be able to keep on losing weight without adding more physical activity, the time will come soon. More importantly though, I want to NOT just let it go. I want to WANT to feel like exercising, or being more active, or anything for that matter. I’m tired of coming home tired every night; I want to come home and still want to do something.
I can’t complain much about my eating and water consumption. Occasionally I have a small snack in the evening, but not overdoing it like last week. The water consumption has become almost automatic; I leave work with an empty (or almost empty) gallon jug every day. People have stopped asking me to lunch; that’s good, but it can also be bad as I feel a little isolated at lunchtime now. I was thinking I might choose to go out lunch one of these days; maybe next week. You know, do it on my own terms and plan it ahead so I’m ready. My eating has almost become automatic as well. Week to week there’s not a lot of variety. Don’t get me wrong it’s all good tasting stuff, but there’s only so much you can do when boneless chicken breast is the cornerstone of your diet. Mrs. Fogdog does a good job with different spices and vegetables to keep it interesting and we mix in some other meats here and there, but it can be hard to continue to come up with different snacks every single day.
Emotionally, I’m not sure where I’m at right now. I’m having some happy days and some where I’m in a bad mood. For the last week I’ve started pulling my CPAP off in the middle of the night unconsciously; though I don’t feel overly tired, this may be the cause of some of my moodiness. I seem to get mad a whole lot easier than before, but then again, my job is as stressful as it ever has been and I have a very low tolerance for people who aren’t capable of making things better so instead they put up roadblocks so others won’t make them look bad. You all know what I’m talking about, every place has them, but where I work seems to be especially full of these type of people. It can be quite a mental drain dealing with the roadblocks.
I just went back and read this post and it does seem to have a bit of dreary or depressed tone. I didn’t intend it that way it just kind of came out that way. I really don’t have much to be depressed about; I’ve already lost over 30 pounds and for the first time in a long time I feel like my life is heading in the right direction, I guess I’m just a little tired right now.
On a final note, I think this week on the scale may be my last of weekly weigh-ins. Instead, I think I’m going to try to ignore it for a while. I’ve talked before about my obsession with the scale and how it affects my mood when I get on it. I’ve posted articles before about how we are not defined by a number, and I truly believe that, but still find myself not following my own advice. This might be one of my hardest challenges, but truthfully, when I get on the scale I already know how I did during the week. The number just confirms what I knew most of the time. The rest of the time it just shows a number that doesn’t make sense and usually puts doubt in me when it’s not deserved. I’m still mulling it over and I’ll share my decision on Saturday when I post my week #8 weigh-in.
-Stay Strong!
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